Becoming a Surrogate Mother is a very personal choice. The reasons why a woman chooses to be a Surrogate Mother vary. I chose to be a Surrogate Mother to help another woman who couldn’t conceive become a mother. When starting out on your journey as a Surrogate Mother, take time to think about who you are meant to help. Is it a single parent, a heterosexual couple or a same sex couple?
Once you decide who are wanting to help as aSurrogate Mother, you will begin to “date” potential Intended Parents. This is a very important part of the process. Just like dating a potential romantic interest , you quickly learn what you are looking for in this relationship.
Are you looking for someone who is wanting the same amount of contact as you are? For me, this wasn’t my birth story. This story belongs to the Intended Parents I worked with and to their babies. I was just the person who was lucky enough to birth them into this world. I wanted Intended Parents who shared that outlook. My Intended Parents were at all my appointments and were in the delivery room. I also wanted to make sure that parents cut the cords of their babies as my husband and I had done for ours.
How do you feel about selective reduction or termination of pregnancy due to birth defects in the fetus? This is a very important subject and one that makes you look inward. I needed to find Intended Parents who would take any number of children that resulted from this Surrogacy. I was not in favour of selective reduction for multiples. With that being said, I felt that I could not decide what another person could live with if it was determined that the fetus had a birth defect. In that case, I was willing to terminate if the Intended Parents chose.
Intended Parents are looking for certain things when it comes to their Surrogate Mother too. They will be dating you as much as you are dating them. I have spoken to couples who said their Surrogate was to only eat organic foods, or would refrain from exercising. I even spoke with someone who said they didn’t want their Surrogate to have an epidural during birth. And while those aren’t the people I chose to work with, there is a Surrogate out there for them that will work with their choices. It’s all very personal.
The main thing for me in my journeys was the relationship I built with my Intended Parents. I did not know them ahead of time. We were complete strangers who took the time to build an honest and open friendship. I wanted to feel like we could talk about anything. My Intended Parents and I became support systems for each other through the ups and downs of fertility treatments while fulfilling their dreams to be parents.