It’s a question we do get asked often: should I tell my child they were conceived with a donor egg? The short answer: yes. At Fertility Match, we strongly believe that you should always tell your child that they were conceived through egg donation. There are so many reasons – medical, ethical, logical, and practical – that you should tell your child the truth. We’ll cover a few in this post, but one of our Fertility Consultants is always available to chat in depth.
Honestly, one of the biggest reasons to tell your child about the realities of their conceptions is really simple: it’s inevitably going to come out anyways. With services like ancestry.ca and 23andMe, more and more people are releasing their DNA information to the world and finding genetic relatives they never knew – or were never told – they had. In the past, it was possible to keep adoptions and family histories secret enough that no one would ask questions, but with technology today that just isn’t realistic.
Not only do these services now exist, sometimes there are activities in school that might address your child’s familial history. Many high school and university biology classes now discuss genetic inheritance. Your child realizing in the middle of class that their genetics don’t make sense with yours because of their eye or hair colour or even blood type would be the worst possible way to start this conversation.
Medically speaking, telling your child about the realities of their conception (in an age appropriate way, of course – more on that in a future post) is incredibly important. When your child grows up, they may experience things you haven’t because of their genetics are different from yours. This could be something as simple as needing glasses or braces, but no matter what it’s best that your child knows the realities of their medical history so that they can get the best possible medical care throughout the course of their life.
Psychologically, it’s best for your child to know about all of this early on – otherwise, they could be dealing with feelings of betrayal because they were not told the truth, even though you had only the best of intentions, as all parents do.
At Fertility Match, we know that you have the best intentions, hopes, and dreams for your child and your family. We understand that these are hard conversations to have, and we’re here to support you every step of the way. That’s why we encourage all of our Intended Parents to come to us with their concerns and questions about this subject. We are here to talk about these things with you!